Difficult Decisions

There is no easy way for me to tell you this, so I am just going to put it out there. I am coming home in 2 weeks. Those of you who know me well know that I have been struggled with depression for a very long time. I have really been struggling with it the last few months and it has gotten to the point where it is getting worse with every week that passes. This has been one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make, even more difficult than the decision to come to Tanzania. But I am at a point where I cannot continue this battle on my own. I need help which I cannot get here and I need to return home so I can figure out what is wrong with me.

I think one of the hardest parts of this is that I am happy! Life in Dodoma is slowly growing on me, I love the people I work with, and I love my work! Yet despite this, there is a sadness deep inside me that will not go away. I cry at the drop of a hat, wake up most mornings with a wet pillow from crying in my sleep and struggle to get out of bed. I don’t know where this sadness is coming from and it is getting stronger as time passes. I am eating healthy, exercising, spending time with friends and I even increased my medication, but it is not helping. It breaks my heart to leave here just as I am getting started with my work, but I have to put myself first.

The people around me here in Tanzania have been amazing and so supportive. I do not think I would have made it this far without them or been able to make this difficult decision. Thank You TIffanee and Albert, Jasmine and Chloe, all who are in Dodoma; Mike and Maguy and Lisa in Arusha; and to my 2^nd family in Iringa, Amanda, Will and Kerrie, including the dancing crew, George, Maria, Goze and Janneke!

I don't know when, but I will be back again, at least to visit!