Finding Peace

Since I made the decision to leave Tanzania last August I have been trying to come to terms with that decision and to make my peace with it. I finally have! I don't know when it happened but I have realized that over the last few weeks I have been feeling something different!  I still don't know exactly what I'm feeling or why, but I know a part of it is a sense of peace of where I am and with the decisions I have made. I know now without any hesitation that I did the right thing.
I can't imagine not having been here last fall as both my grandmothers left this life to be with their husbands in heaven. Even though I had already said "Goodbye" to them both, being here at the end for them and afterwards for my parents was so needed (and for me too). There are lots of other little things too, like seeing my niece and nephews grow up. Had I not returned home I most likely would not have ever seen Taylor play volleyball again, which is something that is so important to her! And to me too! I got to watch Jack's first season of hockey and hope to make to a ball game before the season is over. Thankfully Beckett will still cuddle with me even though he'll be in grade one in the fall!
Even though I have made peace finally with my decisions, I still occasionally ask myself "Have I done the right thing, made the right choices?" I not only ask this regarding my decision to come home from Tanzania (or to have even gone there in the first place) but for most major decisions I have made in life. I often feel like I am still searching for something but not really sure what that something is. I am happy and content most days, but yet not really cause I'm still looking for that something better. That something that will give me a deep sense of fulfillment. I wonder if I will ever find it. Maybe I need to not be so focused on that something way out there and bring myself in a little closer to what is within reach?
Do you ever feel like your just living but not really with that deep sense of fulfillment? Do you wonder "What if...?" If so, how do you put it aside and be okay with today and tomorrow as it is?

Where Are We?

Here are a few photos and I want you to guess where we are! Some of them may be here in Saskatchewan and some of them may not be :) Good Luck. I'll post the answers in a week or two.

There's an Aquarium in my Tummy!

Seriously! I think after eating seafood twice a day for four days there is an aquarium in my tummy! LOL
Aside from the great weather here in Fort Lauderdale the fresh seafood and fruit are the next best things. I have been gorging on both, particularly the seafood. Fish tacos, sushi, crab-legs and crab cakes, calamari, salmon, oysters and clams :) mmm...
Now if this stupid sunburn would just go away...

Wedding Bliss

Fort Lauderdale Beach

What a wonderful wedding it was :)
Oh, don't worry anyone, it wasn't mine! I am chilling out at the beach in Fort Lauderdale for the weekend and as luck would have it I was a 'part' of a wedding at the restaurant I was having supper at. I never did met the couple before or after the ceremony but chatted with few of their guests so got all the details. I was also sitting at a prime table with a great view of the sidewalk and the ceremony. So here's the scoop:

Pina Colada :)  mmm..

They are in their late 20's and meet a few years ago in Fort Lauderdale. She is from Ecuador and he is from Romania. He learnt Spanish just for her and is now fluent. They live in Fort Lauderdale and choose to get married near where they meet. I like to imagine that they met at Cafe Del Mar and that is why they choose to have their ceremony and celebration there (aside from great drinks, food and live music). I was also told that the 20 or so people celebrating with the couple are from all over; Ecuador, Romania (obviously), Columbia, Mexico, USA, Canada (cause I was there) and possibly more countries. The world really is small and connected these days.

Anyways, the whole point is to say who knows what life will bring us and where we will find it!

The newly married couple

Really?!? Again !?!

What is it about me and attracting the weird dudes? I must put out some crazy vibes or else its just bad karma. I was not surprised to have a few of 'run-ins' with men while I was living in Tanzania, but really, I'm in Cologne for only 5 days and as luck would have it I attract one of those men? I am on my 3 night here and I realized that I am acting like I'm still in Africa or another 3rd world country where I have to be in my dark. So tonight I go for dinner (and it's not late at all, only around 6pm). I have myself a few Kolch ( the local beer) and a nice German meal. Before I know it, some man who barely speaks English sits down and buys me a drink. In the short conversation I have with him I learn that he is twice divorced, once to a Thai women and once to a Russian. That can't be good!!! I try to be nice, make up some lie about meeting some people from work soon and get the heck out there!
Really?!?! Did this really happen? Of course it did, cause that just seems to be the story of my life, no matter where I am, what I'm doing or what country I'm in :)

Awe

Laying on the ground to get this.

I arrived in Cologne, Germany this morning. The skies are grey and the weather cool and dreary but yet my heart is filled with light. The first thing I did this morning was go to the Cathedral for Sunday Mass. I was in AWE of God's grace and power! While sitting there in this amazing building waiting for the mass to begin I could feel the power of God all around me. The structure and size and details of the building demand your reverence to Him. I can't imagine how they were able to build this Cathedral 500 years ago except that is was His will. The awe and fear that it must have instilled in others over the years would be great. I can't imagine walking up to the doors 100 years ago, much less 500 years ago. The spires loom above you as you can see from this picture I took today.

Can't make it all fit.

The details are stunning.

I think I am struggling to put into words what I felt while sitting there. I felt like I was surrounded by power, love, reverence, grace and so much more. And then the bells rang and the pipe organ began. It was the final piece of power and beauty. And was a peaceful way to start my week here in Cologne.

New Year, New Beginings

I have to admit I really miss blogging! I never expected that to happen to me at all. I know it has been quite a few months since I've last been here, but I figure better late then never :)
Things have been going really well for me. There are definitely ups and downs, with some days being better and easier than others. Most days I feel really good, and feel strong, but of course there are still days where I struggle and all I want to do is lay in bed and cry. Thankfully those days are getting less frequent with time. Counseling has been really good and it is amazing how things that you thought you dealt with come out again.
I also feel my faith in God is restrengthening. I don't know why but in that short time I was in Africa  I felt my faith weakening. It was something I was really struggling with and will write about in more details another day.
I was lucky to find a job shortly after coming home, so have been working since the end of October. I am working for Control Union Canada. I am the only employee East of the Rockies so work from home. I am working primarily as an auditor for sustainability, feed and food certification programs, but am also doing market research. So far it has been really good and soon will be getting really busy. I will be doing a lot of traveling across the prairies which will give me a chance to see a lot of my own country. I am sure I will be taking lots of pictures!
So also in keeping with the New Year I will be making some changes to the blog itself to reflect more this stage of my life. So I am just going to leave this post super simple so I can do some work on the blog itself :)