Finding Peace

Since I made the decision to leave Tanzania last August I have been trying to come to terms with that decision and to make my peace with it. I finally have! I don't know when it happened but I have realized that over the last few weeks I have been feeling something different!  I still don't know exactly what I'm feeling or why, but I know a part of it is a sense of peace of where I am and with the decisions I have made. I know now without any hesitation that I did the right thing.
I can't imagine not having been here last fall as both my grandmothers left this life to be with their husbands in heaven. Even though I had already said "Goodbye" to them both, being here at the end for them and afterwards for my parents was so needed (and for me too). There are lots of other little things too, like seeing my niece and nephews grow up. Had I not returned home I most likely would not have ever seen Taylor play volleyball again, which is something that is so important to her! And to me too! I got to watch Jack's first season of hockey and hope to make to a ball game before the season is over. Thankfully Beckett will still cuddle with me even though he'll be in grade one in the fall!
Even though I have made peace finally with my decisions, I still occasionally ask myself "Have I done the right thing, made the right choices?" I not only ask this regarding my decision to come home from Tanzania (or to have even gone there in the first place) but for most major decisions I have made in life. I often feel like I am still searching for something but not really sure what that something is. I am happy and content most days, but yet not really cause I'm still looking for that something better. That something that will give me a deep sense of fulfillment. I wonder if I will ever find it. Maybe I need to not be so focused on that something way out there and bring myself in a little closer to what is within reach?
Do you ever feel like your just living but not really with that deep sense of fulfillment? Do you wonder "What if...?" If so, how do you put it aside and be okay with today and tomorrow as it is?